How to improve social skills: 11 top tips from the world’s most successful introverts

Here’s a wildly unpopular take – introverts are more effective communicators than extroverts and are better at teaching the world how to improve social skills. 

That’s right, we said it. 

There are many myths about introverts, like how they’re bad at socialising, they’re shy and socially awkward, and they are bad at reading social cues. 

Extroverts, on the other hand, excel at social interaction and absolutely love being around other people, especially in large social gatherings. They are charismatic, outgoing, boisterous, and assertive, probably the kind of person who fits the bill of a “dynamic candidate with great communication skills” in job descriptions.

This generalisation has led many people to think that extroverts are far better at social skills as compared to introverts.

One Reddit user even goes so far as to say, “Being an introvert will always be seen as a negative quality, unfortunately. I could be the most efficient worker, but the praise will be for the lazy extrovert.”

Don’t count the introverts out yet 

Unsurprisingly, extroverts are viewed as leaders and changemakers because they talk more, even if there is no correlation between speaking often and having ideas with actual substance.

But for our fellow introverts, there’s no reason to sell yourself short. 

The book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain talks about how the author found that introverts are more open to listening to each other’s ideas. Unlike extroverts, introverts dislike being dominant, which gives them a unique ability to lead initiative-takers to be more proactive than extroverts can. 

In short, just because you are an introvert doesn’t mean you are shy, soft-spoken or socially awkward. Though you may prefer more alone time, you may have excellent social skills and are great at forming relationships.

Social media, for example, has created innovative ways for introverts to engage frequently with others.

Social media has changed the way introverts engage

The basis of forming and maintaining friendships, work relationships, and romantic bonds is miles easier for an extrovert. This extends to career prospects – extroverts are better at making sales, customer service, marketing, and interacting with prospective clients.

And if it weren’t enough, there are hundreds of classes and workshops about leadership, entrepreneurship, teams, and negotiations, all promoting extroversion as the only path towards success – an introvert’s worst nightmare.

But now, thanks to social media, introverts are finally able to have a proper seat at the table.

Platforms like Facebook, LinkedIn, X, and Instagram allow introverts to control how they engage in a conversation, and the space offers them the time they need to think through a message before sending it.

This not only helps remove some of the more chaotic aspects of engaging with others, but it also allows introverts to stand on an equal playing field amongst their extroverted peers, vying for the same goals and positions, and even aim to become leaders in their own right.

In fact, most introverts display characteristics commonly found in leaders. Want some examples? Here are some very well-known individuals who are introverted.

Three famous people that you wouldn’t think would be introverts

Mark Zuckerberg 

Famously known as the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg is a businessman, programmer and philanthropist – and yes, he’s an introvert. His platform has helped connect billions of people around the world, and has since then expanded into Meta, where he is chairman, chief executive officer, and controlling shareholder.

Despite his massive success, he’s a shy person who excels at focusing on his own projects and being dedicated to the task at hand. As an introvert, he listens well to others, taking their views and opinions into account while trusting his team to get things done. He is the very definition of a leader in every way. 

Audrey Hepburn 

“I’m an introvert. Playing the extroverted girl was the hardest thing I ever did,” was Audrey Hepburn’s famous quote in regards to her role in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

The British actress was the queen of introversion – a timeless beauty who would go on to be remembered for her iconic roles, fantastic eyebrows and a quiet, demure nation. A self-claimed introvert, she was never one to shy away from vocally expressing her yearning for solitude. 

“I’m an introvert…I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky.”

Meryl Streep 

A celebrated actress who currently holds the title for the most Academy Award nominations in history,  Meryl Streep still admits she sometimes struggles with nerves and finds the prospect of stepping into the spotlight rather daunting. 

“I’m inclined to not want to say anything in public,” she said. “Basically, if I had my way, I’d just stay home and think about what I’m having for supper.”

According to Meryl Streep, the trick is to imagine yourself doing something you think you can’t. Simple, but useful.

11 ways to improve social skills, as suggested by introverts

No matter if you’re an introvert or extrovert, having good social skills can help you succeed in many things – making friends, studying abroad, or even landing your first job. 

There are hundreds of guides online on how to grow better social skills, but they don’t take into account how to do so from the viewpoint of an introvert.

Here’s what you can do:

Engage with others

Even if you don’t feel like it, sometimes you’re left with no choice but to interact with people – and that’s okay.

Start small with a simple “Hi” or “How are you doing?” or even smile politely. Don’t allow social anxiety to hold you back from making a good impression on people. 

Make eye contact

A horrible idea to most introverts – but believe us, it helps. Making eye contact with the person you’re speaking is a top tip to improve social skills.

It will not only help them build trust in you, but it will also make you feel like you can trust them better.

Pro-tip: focus on the spot between their foreheads, above their eyebrows. That way, you’re maintaining eye contact for the most part, but you’re fixated on something else that will make you less nervous.

Sharpen your listening skills

Adding to the above, make eye contact, nod or shake your head, and ask clarifying questions for more information to help others feel more comfortable sharing their ideas and input with you. 

If you’re wearing headphones, move the cuff or take out your earbud to show that you’re actively listening, which is a clear sign to the other person that you’re fully invested in them. 

Work on your body language

Most people would assume you’re not open to talking if you have folded arms, hunched shoulders, and dismissive body language. But we know you’re just nervous. 

So one great way to improve your social skills without having to speak is to use your body.

Try to appear relaxed, make appropriate amounts of eye contact, and appear open to conversation. Unclench your jaw, stretch out your arms, straighten your back and make sure you’re facing the person you’re speaking with fully. 

Be polite and kind

This goes without saying, but good manners go a long way in improving social skills. Saying simple things like “please” and “thank you” are great ways to soften requests, regardless if you’re waiting for your coffee at the shop or sending an email. 

An article by Michele Connolly details how being kind and being nice are two different things for introverts, boiled down to this great quote – “Being nice takes energy, tons of it. Being kind gives energy – you feel enlivened by it.”

Observe your surroundings

In the hit Netflix series Bridgerton, Penelope Featherington used her status as a wallflower to observe the people around her. By merely observing, she could hear their personal stories, learning juicy gossip and secrets unknown to most. 

We’re not saying you could learn about life-changing secrets just by being observant. But it would definitely help with reading the room to get a grasp of the current mood, conversation topics, and general vibe. 

Be generous with compliments

People love compliments, and they’re extremely easy to give. 

Simple one-liners like “I love your hair!”, “That’s a nice dress” or even “I saw your homemade pie on your Instagram story, and it looks lovely” can go a long way. It shows that you care and gives you plenty of brownie points with others.

Be up-to-date

As an introvert, you probably already spend a large amount of time on social media. Check-in with current events or trends to see if any topic piques your curiosity. It could be anything from the latest music releases to movie casting announcements or even a viral TikTok video.

It can be a great conversation starter, especially among people who share the same interests as you.

 Ask open-ended questions

We know that most introverts struggle with conversation topics. But always remember – everyone loves talking about themselves.

When stuck in a situation where you have no idea what to talk about to others, start asking about their lives. Their favourite hobbies, careers, what they study, life goals and aspirations – the list goes on, and so will they. All you need to do is smile, nod and listen.

Refrain from forced humour

We’ve all heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, it’s key to remember that what you find funny may not be applicable to others. Some people are not as deeply invested in the latest TikTok memes as you may be, and they might give you a weird look if you quote a funny meme. 

But once you find your crowd, go ham.

Use people’s names

People love it when you listen to them. They love it even more when you use their names in conversations. 

Using someone’s first name in a conversation – or even just to alert them – shows that you care about them as an individual. And for such a low-effort gesture, the payoff is huge.