When I first moved to Missouri, USA, to pursue my higher education, I was 16 years old – basically a teenager dropped in an adult world. By the time I graduated with my degree, I was 18 (full story here, if you’re curious.)
With me being at least a few years younger than my peers, dating as an international student wasn’t exactly at the top of my to-do list. Finishing assignments ahead of time and finding new foodie spots were. Being the bookish sort, scoring As were much more important than scoring dates. So, when it comes to dating as an international student, I genuinely wish I have coming-of-age and life-changing memories to look back on. Unfortunately, I don’t.
But other international students do. They are dating and they have so many stories to share. Love abroad is more exciting but also more riddled with obstacles — where other couples debate over what to have for dinner, they have to deal with immigration rules, cultural differences, family expectations, and the big, looming question: “If this works out… where will we actually be allowed to live?”
To understand what dating abroad really looks like in 2026, here are three international students with very different experiences who show how complicated — and meaningful — love can be when you’re far from home.
Dating as a queer international student
“International students subsidise your university fees and education. I paid 14,000 pounds in my first year and you paid like, what? 9,000 pounds?”
That’s (one of) GT’s many conversation starters on first dates.
A Malaysian pursuing a PhD in the UK, GT identifies as queer — an identity that he is typically forced to hide at home. Growing up in the small town of Melaka, Malaysia, he experienced compulsive heterosexuality firsthand, and never got to explore his sexuality.
“And it’s okay I guess, until you get to a certain point, and you’re like I’m getting on Grindr,” he says.
While dating in the UK has been liberating, there have been many practical aspects to it that G had to confront. Sexual health was one of them, with sex education lacking in Malaysia, even more so for those with queer sexualities.
Prior to studying in the UK, GT had no idea that PrEP existed. PrEP stands for Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, a highly effective prevention strategy where HIV-negative people take daily antiretroviral medicine to significantly lower their risk of getting HIV from sex or injection drug use.
“You don’t know about this in Malaysia because why would you need to know this?” he points out.
GT also had to confront how race and identity factor into dating.
He noticed that international students, particularly if they’re studying in the west, sometimes have the tendency to “white worship.”
“And that kind of plays into how we interact with other persons of colour (POCs), other other Southeast Asian people, other Malaysian people,” he says. “It’s kind of like, we put ourselves second and that shows up in a lot of stuff.”
International students may get exoticised quite a bit too, sometimes to an exploitative degree.
“Do not put up with that nonsense. You either tell them that, hey, knock it off and if they don’t refuse to knock it off,” he advises.
While GT is still based in the UK, he does return to Malaysia now and again. The reverse culture shock of going back home, especially when it comes to dating, can be jarring.
“It might sometimes not get better,” he admits, referring to queer people. “You might be heavily traumatised and you need to recognise that. But we have been here for so long. We have been here in the face of everything and you’re not alone.”
While knowing you’re not alone might not be entirely helpful, finding community and making friends with likeminded people is, as GT says, “really lovely.”
Tay Kent Zhong attended the University of Wisconsin–Eau Claire, a public university in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, United States. Source: University of Wisconsin–Eau Claire
Learning through love (and loss)
For Kent Zhong Tay, 26, dating in America became an unexpected lesson in cultural understanding.
His relationship with a local Wisconsinite of mixed heritage revealed that navigating romance abroad involves more than just language — it requires curiosity, patience, and a willingness to learn.
“There’s no language barrier, luckily, because we both use English to communicate,” Tay recalls. “But when it comes to culture, that is something that we need to accommodate, and we also need to have that mutual respect and understanding between each other.”
Through their relationship, they explored differences from seemingly mundane household practices to deeper distinctions such as how respect is expressed.
“One of the beautiful things about intercultural relationships is learning from each other,” Tay explains. “If there’s a problem, we ask why? And then sometimes you find fascinating answers.”
Their openness turned tension into more tender moments of discovery. Alyssa helped Tay see the subtle biases he’d grown up with, while he showed her how his culture shows respect and care.
Even sharing food became an intimate act of cultural exchange. One time, Tay painstakingly recreated nasi lemak, his home country’s national dish, complete with banana leaves and four-hour rendang chicken, to share a piece of Malaysia with his American girlfriend.
The thing about dating as an international student is there comes a time when you have to return home.
Tay and Alyssa eventually broke up when he returned to Malaysia, choosing not to pursue a long-distance relationship. It’s a decision he describes with hard-won wisdom: “I do not want to waste my partner’s time or have restrictions while we are apart.”
Having gone through this, Tay calls on new couples to have honest conversations from the start: “Do you have that confidence? Can both of you work things out together by discussing, having a solid discussion? We didn’t talk about future plans. So when that moment arrived, we both didn’t know what to do.”
Despite the bittersweet ending, Tay still encourages international students to date while abroad: “If you met someone and you have that good feeling towards that person, why not get to know this person more by dating? This is a unique opportunity for international students.”
Tay pursued his Bachelor of Business Administration degree at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire from 2019 to 2021, then went on to acquire his master’s degree at Universitat de Barcelona from 2023 to 2024 in International Business.
Practical considerations while dating
Adele, 26, has been in the US for nearly a decade now. Born and raised in Shanghai, China, she transferred to the US in high school, and continues pursuing her tertiary education first at the University of Missouri Columbia, then at the University of Virginia where she got her Master’s of Science in Commerce.
Unlike Tay, she has long understood that dating as an international student means carrying an invisible burden that most American peers never consider: the question of where you’ll be allowed to stay.
“It’s kind of like an elephant in the room that you can’t really ignore,” she explains. “If you want a long-term relationship, that’s something you kind of have to talk about authentically.”
The conversation becomes even more complex when both partners are international students from different countries. Picture this: One person’s from China, the other person’s from South Korea, but they met in the US. Where do they go from there?
This practical reality shapes dating decisions in ways that extend beyond romance. Adele recalls a particularly memorable Hinge date. According to recent studies, 27% of engaged couples now meet online, with dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder dominating the landscape for young adults.
On her Hinge date, it took a while before they both realised that they were both international students from Shanghai.
“The conversation took kind of an interesting turn,” she laughs. “We literally started debating about visa policy. We’re like, ‘it’s so hard.'”
The date didn’t lead anywhere, partly because she sensed his underlying priority was finding an American partner to secure his status.
Ultimately, she’s glad the topic came up. “I think it’s important to know where everyone stands on it. I don’t want this to be something that later on we feel resentful for,” she says.
Today, Adele is more “strategic” when talking about her background. By being upfront about being from China, she vets potential partners for cultural awareness and potential prejudices. “I really value when I date somebody in the romantic sense that the other person understands my background,” she explains. “My international background, my Chinese identity is really important to me and I wanted to be upfront about it.”
At first, she worried this openness might scare people away. But as she’s matured, she’s discovered the opposite: “The older I get, I think people really appreciate it,” she says. “And I think you attract the right kind of people when you bring your authentic self.”
Her advice to fellow international students considering dating abroad is refreshingly simple: “Don’t put that many constraints on yourself and just enjoy life. If it works out, it works out. If you have heartbreak, you move on.”
You should date when you feel ready, not when circumstances feel perfect, Adele adds. “Being an international student, living abroad is very hard on its own,” she acknowledges. “So just give yourself some grace when it comes to dating.”
Source: Yan Krukau via Pexels
International students are not a monolith
While the three students mentioned above offer valuable insights into navigating romance as an international student, it’s crucial to remember that international students are not a monolith.
Their stories represent just three perspectives from a vast spectrum of experiences shaped by countless factors: country of origin, gender identity, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, socioeconomic status, and personal circumstances.
Even the question of whether to date at all is deeply personal. Some international students prioritise their studies entirely, while others find that romantic connections become crucial emotional anchors. Some even arrive with partners from home.
What remains universal, however, is the additional layer of complexity international students navigate. Love is already a complicated matter – add studying abroad to the equation and many more challenges emerge. But perhaps those willing to make it work will find it to be an infinitely rewarding ordeal.
